pre marriage counseling process - R$
She is an associate counsellor with Catra Interactions and Consultancy- Nairobi where she is involved in pre-marital, and marriage and Family counselling, training for organizations like COVAW, and other organizations in Kenya. ________________________________________, If you are divorced, what is your custody arrangement? ________________________________________________________________________________________ He should not seek to override those convictions in the name of headship. This meeting will cover chapters 12-17 in “Preparing for Your Marriage.” It is the most challenging and interesting meeting you will have. That’s hard to say. How do other members of your family feel about your fiance? Marriage is one of the most important commitments a person can make. If possible meet with the parents and have them articulate their concern. The Search OF the Savior: Why Jesus Came, Part 2 (Gal. You need to find a good counselor. Our counsel is based solely on God’s Word. All parties should approach marriage prayerfully, patiently, and honestly. the counselor helps each partner examine the relationship in a more objective manner and assists the couple in learning how to perceive their interactions in a positive light In this meeting, you will give the couple the opportunity to ask any unanswered questions they may have. Simply reschedule the meeting as quickly as possible so as not to throw off the rest of the schedule. Find out if they have selected their wedding vows and if you could read them. A. Biblical headship and leadership. You might ask, “How do you bring up the subject of sexual purity tactfully?” The best way to start is to look at God’s Word on the subject. G. Why do you want to have Pre-Marriage counseling? We can help you prepare for a marriage, so the two of you share many happy years together in the future. Fourth, and somewhat uncomfortable to discuss, is sexual purity. Although there is a lot to do in this first meeting, there are four things that must take priority. The decision to follow ________________________________________________________________________________________ wife For some, the temptation to talk instead of listen is very great, but this must be resisted. In this first meeting you will cover chapters one and two of “Preparing for Your Marriage.” If the couple has already set a wedding date, this meeting should take place approximately five months before the wedding day. What plans do you have to keep your marriage fresh and Most pastors prefer more than one session to allow the counseling process to work as well as to allow the couples to ask additional questions. Biblical pre-marriage counseling begins by evaluating the engaged couple in order to tailor counseling to their specific needs. Recent study conducted by Research scholars from George Masson University clearly shows the benefit of pre-marital counseling. 4. The wedding date should still be about two months away, plenty of time for the couple to get wedding invitations out and finalize their plans. The church’s Pre-Marriage Counseling and/or Wedding Process, states that after the first meeting you and the Wedding Officiant are to decide if the couple qualifies to continue. C. A discernment of their maturity, both spiritually and emotionally. Second, is the couple committed to a Christian marriage as defined in the Bible? At Orange County Christian Counseling, questions can be asked and problems can be solved ahead of time. If you were a novice at Pre-Marriage Counseling before you started, by now you’re a bona-fide pro! have? Find biblical, helpful Christian resources relating to marriage at Crosswalk.com! ______________________________________________________________________________. These meetings work best when everyone comes prepared. E. To outline the counseling process and what will be required of the couple. Date. The following questions need to be asked in this meeting. How is a Christian service and marriage different from other marriages? Pre Marital counselling 1. It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single manin possessionof a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.” I. husband Ask the couple for their view about divorce. 3. Any other use, such as distribution, promoting one's ministry or adding. Once needs are evaluated, the couple and pastor will go over the basics of marriage. _____________________________________________________________________________. 12. Tell the couple you will check with them at each meeting on how they are doing on their commitment. ________________________________________________________________________________________, How long have you known each other? How is the wife to be a helper to her husband? With no prior prompting, have the bride tell you the groom’s testimony of his faith! ____________________________________ There are many possible scenarios. This meeting is conducted differently than the other meetings. A. bottom of this page. How do your friends and family (including children) feel about your engagement? It is available to be checked out from the church library. At this first meeting a schedule for the mentoring process is determined. It is important for couples to spend the necessary time planning and equipping themselves for By the end of this meeting, you will probably have enough information to determine if you will give your final approval for the marriage. You might find it helpful to get Bob Deffinbaugh’s notes from his exposition of I Corinthians 7. Chapter 22 of “Preparing for Your Marriage” has an interesting assignment about setting goals which you will want to spend some time talking about. Tell the groom you are expecting leadership from him in this area and that it is now time to start demonstrating it! A marriage involves two unique personalities coming together to form a family. Through this process, couples can have the privilege of getting to know one another in a new way. This might be okay, but you will have missed an opportunity to gain insight into them as individuals and as a couple. _______________, Are you: Divorced _____ Widowed _____ Separated _____, Is your divorce final? Genesis 2:18: Then the Lord God said,” It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” Clarify why their marriage at this time is the right thing to pursue. How do you feel you are accepted by your fiance’s family? Many professionals (therapists, clergy, and family law attorneys) would agree that premarital counseling is highly recommended before marriage. This questionnaire should be filled out completely and turned in to the church office. 16. If you try to cover every question from each chapter in discussion format, you will never finish a meeting! The church will not be involved in the wedding if this question is not answered in the affirmative. _______, If yes, please describe them. begin counseling), What brought you together? She is an accredited member of Kenya Counseling and Psychological Association (KCPA) as an associate Supervisor. The second part of the meeting you will split up, men with men, women with women. At this point, it should be noted that if you have not read the book and done the assignments with your spouse, by all means stop and do so now! Take some time and find out the reason. Where? ________, If yes, which one? ____ If yes, The outline for the women should include the following: A. ________________________________________________________________________________________, If divorced, why was your previous marriage terminated? ________, What are their ages? ________________________________________________________________________________________. (More questions should follow if yes). If you are reluctant to give your approval, you need to communicate that to the couple. _______ If not, why & when? You’ll learn tested and proven conflict resolution strategies, but they will be customized for you specifically. The church’s Pre-Marriage Counseling and/or Wedding Process, states that after the first meeting you and the Wedding Officiant are to decide if the couple qualifies to continue. The Full Pre Marriage Counselling Course: Includes our comprehensive Pre Marriage Counselling Questionnaire that both of you complete + 2 x 50 minute counselling sessions with a relationship psychologist to discuss any issues or areas for improvement that may arise. Are you formally engaged? Most pastors prefer more than one session to allow the counseling process to work as well as to allow the couples to ask additional questions. If the couple is not committed in this way, it will be impossible, for example, for the husband to obey the command of Ephesians 5:25: “Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” How can a husband love his wife as Christ also loved the church if he is not committed to the principals of biblical headship? If you are still undecided on the marriage, these final meetings could prove to be critical in your final evaluation. Have the couple read I Corinthians 8-10 and Romans 14. The number of sessions varies according to each couple's needs. Keep in mind that, even though you have given your approval, it doesn’t mean you can’t call off The church’s involvement in the wedding if circumstances warrant it. From this approach, you might be able to glean the following. If by the end of the third meeting you are not ready to give your approval, by all means wait until you are. This second meeting will cover chapters 3-11 in “Preparing For Your Marriage.” It should take place about one month after meeting one unless there were circumstances that required an additional meeting. There will be many passages studied in chapter 16 of “Preparing for Your Marriage.” The project pages of this chapter will play a key role. Become familiar with Scripture as it relates to solving problems and conflicts. You might have to meet privately, men with men, women with women, in order for this to surface as an issue to address. The majority of the critical subject matter has been covered. NOTE: We reserve the right to discontinue the counseling and planning process at any This meeting will cover chapters 22 – 26 of “Preparing for Your Marriage.” Schedule this meeting as close to the wedding date as possible, preferably within three weeks. Have them consider the following Bible texts dealing with vows: Numbers 30:2; Deuteronomy 23:21-23; Judges 11:29-40; Psalms 15:4; 76:11; Proverbs 20:25; Ecclesiastes 5:4-5. 14. Who will discipline your children and how? granted by Pastoral Care Inc. Changing Services from Traditional to Contemporary, Effective Communication To Deal With Change, Funeral, Wedding, Equipment Use Checklist, Use of Building Agreement with Outside Entities, 31 Days of Prayer for the Pastor, Church, & Others, What To Do When Someone Leaves Your Church, Pornography and Narcissistic Personalities, Ecclesiastical Guidelines for Ministers Affected by Pornography, Suggested Goals for a Successful Marriage. ________________________________________________________________________________________, 2. Our offices are conveniently located just off of i75 at the big beaver exit. There are several variables that need to be discussed in the Pre-Marital Counseling At minimum, you should ask the couple to come to the next meeting with a complete budget, which will be reviewed and discussed. We knew this was the case, and I was actually pretty excited about it. *****Both you and your fiancé can complete a questionnaire separately or together, F. To clarify that no announcements should be sent out until approval by the counseling couple is given and communicated to the Officiant and church Office. B. We do not claim to be “Professional” Counselors. One of the issues that often causes anxiety for couples attending counselling is the potential for therapist bias, i.e. This kind of counseling can also help you identify weaknesses that could become problems during marriage.Premarital counseling is often provided by licensed therapists known as marriage and family therapists. 1. This is a way to help promote a successful union and is a very wise idea considering the high divorce rate that still exists. The Book of Proverbs will figure prominently in this meeting. 5. _____________________________________________________. Encourage the couple to complete the assignments separately. ______________________________________________________________________________ Some will be engaged for the first time; others may have been married before. _____/_____/_____, Signature of future _____________________________________________________, Have your parents ever been divorced or remarried? Tell the couple that this final approval will not be given until after the third meeting. Couples who are “active learners” — thinking about our sessions, doing their assignments, following through with the things we talk about — are going to heal quicker than more passive couples. is understood that entering into pre-marital counseling is NOT an agreement of approval to be married by this pastor or anyone else at this church. granted by Pastoral Care Inc. Keep your sessions completely private. The Pre-Engagement Counseling Program, with personality testing will lead you through discussion on the following topics: Personality Analysis (Personal and Couple) Expectations Communication Styles Resolving Conflict Handling Finances Working Together Religion and Religious Practice Families of Origin Life Goals … and more! What follows is a guide for counselors to take a couple contemplating marriage, or engaged to be married, through a basic process of discovery. Marriage is tough enough without being unequally-yoked. Consider approaching it this way. Don’t simply write the answers you think we expect. 1. The Engaged Couple will soon be contacted by their Pre-Marriage Mentor to schedule Meeting One. Encouraging maturity and speaking the truth in love are your responsibilities as part of the body of Christ, and in this case, as Pre-Marriage Counselor. Since you are postponing this requirement to the next meeting, this won’t be completed. How to Handle Conflict and Solving Problems, Priorities on Career, Children, Money, Hobbies, Future Plans, Friends, If you are divorced, what is your custody arrangement? The primary source to help you in organizing your meetings will be William J. McRae’s book “Preparing for Your Marriage.” You, your spouse, and the couple you are counseling, should have a copy of this book. A. B. In addition to completing chapter 23 from the book for the next meeting, which is an overview of I Corinthians 7: 1-7, have the couple study I Thessalonians 4: 1-8 and be prepared to discuss how a sexual relationship in a Christian marriage differs from a pagan one. This meeting usually takes about ten minutes and happens on a Sunday just prior or just after a service. with you and give you your Pre-Marriage Mentoring Couples Guide. Just like your car needs a qualified mechanic, a productive counseling session is only as good as the counselor leading it. How is the husband to love his wife as Christ loved the Church? _______, Have you attended any marriage classes? With so many marriages failing today, what guarantee will you have that your Let the discussion proceed from there. It will also be important to emphasize the necessity, after they are married, of praying and being in God’s Word on a daily basis. Pre-Marriage counseling is a process, and it’s better to get to the heart of the matter rather than to complete a checklist. Then the women will talk, covering chapters 15-17, while the men remain silent and listen. ________________________________________________________________________________________ 8. Numerous research studies over the years have proven that talking about these things before your wedding day can significantly affect the success of a marriage. ___________________________________, Do you have children from a previous marriage? You, on the other hand, will have prepared and have a mental outline of what you would like to accomplish. What do you see as your mate’s role in the marriage? Premarital counseling is a type of therapy that helps couples prepare for marriage. Pre-Cana is a course or consultation for couples preparing to be married in a Catholic church. 19. _________________________________________________________________________________________ The Search OF the Savior: Why Jesus Came, Part 1 (Luke 19:1-10), Bible Storying Series - Teaching The Story Of God Chronologically. So, what ever the situation is, alwaysinvolve yourself in the counseling process. but both must present for the actual Pre-Marital counseling with the pastor. when? _____________, Briefly describe what it means to be Born Again: If you do give the green light, you will need to call the couple, the wedding Officiant, and the Pre-Marriage Coordinator to let them know. The decision to follow Each emphasized the importance of counseling at all stages of marriage. More and more couples are going to pre-marital counseling and pre-engagement counseling before their wedding day to prepare for marriage. A submissive wife as defined by Scripture. The couple should come to this meeting prepared to cover these chapters. All material is intended for Don’t assume the couple has talked about the “birds and the bees” with anyone. Adam did not a take a wife; he received one from God! Date, . How long ago was the last time? It will be wise to work through those passages of Scripture in Section 3, Recommended Preparation Prior to Counseling. Creating a special time for dating. B. B. Since you are postponing this requirement to the next meeting, this won’t be completed. Likewise, have the groom tell you the bride’s testimony of her faith. Premarital inventories are commonly used to help with the counseling process. That is, until a middle-aged man grilled us on every aspect of our future marriage, from babies to death. Priorities on purchasing other than using credit Doing a Pre-Marriage course such as Prepare/Enrich can assist you in the development of those necessary skills. The couple must express a desire to be in God’s Word on a regular basis and to worship and fellowship with other believers. marriage will remain successful? time, at our discretion. Does the couple talk about their faith with each other? This approach can also completely stump the couple! starts, it is suggested that each couple fill out a questionnaire. Consult with other Pre-Marriage Counselors who may have experienced this situation, and certainly seek the counsel of the Elders and Deacons of the church. C. Add the study of I Thessalonians 4: 1-8 to the homework assignment. _________________, How long have you been officially engaged?__ _____________, (We require that you have been dating seriously for at least eight months before we will Few things are more profitable than men and women committed to the study of God’s Word as it relates to marriage, particularly in today’s society. Ask the couple if they have found a church home, if they have been attending on a regular basis and if they plan to continue. One of the first steps in marriage counseling is finding the right counselor. ________________________________________________________________________________________, Do you regularly attend a church? Verses from Ephesians 5 and Colossians 3 should be emphasized. Much can be gleaned from these verses but place an emphasis on the following. Circumstances among couples will also vary. Although potentially very hurtful, it is better for the couple to address this issue now rather that after they are married. 4:4-7), 3. That is why pre-marriage counseling must be tailored to suit each couple. Christ is of course first, but no other decision will have as great an impact on one’s life as marriage. After being reviewed, an appointment will be made to meet with a pastor, at this time we will determine whether or not to begin the pre-marriage counseling. Other variables that impact the amount of time marriage counseling takes to work can include: 1. C. To discern problem areas which might disqualify the couple for marriage, and determine if the couple meets the qualifications for marriage. In other words, do they know how the other came to faith and can they tell the story? that our goal is to help you prepare for marriage. Both partners need to keep an open mind and be willing to change things that aren't working. N. Describe both the strengths and the weaknesses of your mate. You shouldrealize that perfection also does not exist in a married life. Perhaps the wedding date needs to be pushed back or eliminated altogether. How will you handle conflict or disagreements? arise). Thoughts and plans for emergency funds (if appliances or emergencies Marriage counseling (also called couples therapy) can be very effective, especially … 20. Even if they have, there still may be unanswered questions. The Atlanta Center for Marriages has an excellent pre-marital counseling program using the Prepare Inventory™. The outline for this meeting should include the following. Marriage is permanent! Granting approval without parental consent should be an extreme exception. Should you grant your approval for their wedding and for the church’s involvement if one or more parents are against it? Marriage is one of the most important commitments a person can make. Yes, you might be jumping into some hot water here, but this is one of the hard parts of being a Pre-Marriage Counselor. Then consider asking the following questions. In particular, the husband must especially be sensitive to his wife’s convictions. To the best of your knowledge, what is a Christian marriage? You and your spouse simply facilitate the discovery process. Should a husband expect or require his wife to submit to him when it would cause her to violate her convictions? Be respectful of the couple in terms of plans that they still need to make and your impact on those plans. bottom of this page. ________________________________________________________________________________________ agreed on? ________________________________________________________________________________________ 6. Any other use, such as distribution, promoting one's ministry or adding to websites, is prohibited unless written permission Counselors should feel free to adapt this approach to their own gifts and style, so long as the essentials are covered. _________________________________________________________________________________________. Which are less evident? 2013.19 2. What if a husband disagrees with his wife’s convictions? These topics may seem trivial, but knowing ahead of time what each person expects makes it easier to resolve matters. An engaged couple completes prepare, they are married I Thessalonians 4:1-8 and Hebrews 13:4 an open mind be. A couple how long have you been “ in love, we will in things. Approach, you need to find out if the couple seem to have a Christian service marriage... By evaluating the engaged couple in terms of plans that they still need to keep open... Prepare and conduct this session counseling before you started, by now you ’ ll learn tested proven... 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